I am leading a Bible study right now called "Do you think I am Beautiful?" by Angela Thomas. The first week, she has you go back through your childhood and rethink events and circumstances that helped shape who you are. She also has you describe yourself from the inside out in 10 words. Do you know how difficult that is to do? You try it sometime.
Try it now. What did you come up with? Was beautiful one of the words? That is her point. Most women do not consider themselves beautiful. It makes me think of this post by Ceci.
Anyway, in trying to determine who I am, I considered asking other people. But that kind of defeats the purpose. I have to decide who I think I am, not who other's think I am. It was kind of fun though to find out what would come up in surveying others. I didn't exactly ask others to describe me, but I did look at the google searches over the past 100 visits on my site meter to see what word searches led to my blog.
Weird I know, but if you actually ask someone to describe you... they will most likely be nice and say nice things. Looking at my google searches on my site meter was kind of a way to see what descriptive words led others to me. I try to write honestly and openly about my life, my achievements and my struggles on my blog, so hopefully it kind of reveals a picture of who I am and what is important to me.
Here are the searches that led people to my blog:
Where are the miracles and wonders?
Pictures of the Glorietta Christian Writers Conference
I will lie down and sleep in peace (this was a hit 3 different times)
Christian Women walking in the reflection of God
National Epilepsy Walk
Signs He still likes you
Signs miracles wonders music
Introducing a Woman of God
I actually kind of liked these. They do kind of describe me.
A person looking for miracles and wonders in everyday life.
A person whose life if affected by epilepsy.
A Christian writer who loves pictures.
A person who is after one good night's sleep. (this one is a constant...hence three hits... LOL)
A woman wanting to reflect God.
A person desperately wanting HIM to like me.
A person who loves music.
and my favorite... something I long to hear said of me...
Introducing A Woman of God.
Many times in life, people only get to see "who you are" from a single circumstance or event. That scares me because not every encounter I have reflects who I am or who I want to be. I don't always reflect Christ like I should or like I want to. Sometimes I wish everyone could see me "in context." That they could see everything over the entire span of my life... then they would understand who I am. It's sort of like this study.
“Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Jsut amzanig huh?”
I wish sometimes people would not just read each event by itself, but my life as a whole. Then all the mess and "mess ups" in the middle would still make sense.
Upon reflecting on these things, I realized I really don't need to worry about what other's think anyway. Actually I need to determine who I think I am based on who God thinks I am. And you know what... He doesn't look at me in context either. And I am actually glad He doesn't.
He only looks at me for one single encounter or event in my life. He looks at the day I gave my life to Him. This one event, one act, one circumstance overshadows everything else... all the mess and "mess ups". It determines who I am in his eyes. I am a woman of God. And that is who I am... really.