Monday, March 17, 2008

Who are you... really?

Do you ever have those days when you just wonder...why am I here and why is this life so crazy at times... and trying at times... and wonderful at times. Do you ever wonder who you really are?

I am leading a Bible study right now called "Do you think I am Beautiful?" by Angela Thomas. The first week, she has you go back through your childhood and rethink events and circumstances that helped shape who you are. She also has you describe yourself from the inside out in 10 words. Do you know how difficult that is to do? You try it sometime.

Try it now. What did you come up with? Was beautiful one of the words? That is her point. Most women do not consider themselves beautiful. It makes me think of this post by Ceci.

Anyway, in trying to determine who I am, I considered asking other people. But that kind of defeats the purpose. I have to decide who I think I am, not who other's think I am. It was kind of fun though to find out what would come up in surveying others. I didn't exactly ask others to describe me, but I did look at the google searches over the past 100 visits on my site meter to see what word searches led to my blog.

Weird I know, but if you actually ask someone to describe you... they will most likely be nice and say nice things. Looking at my google searches on my site meter was kind of a way to see what descriptive words led others to me. I try to write honestly and openly about my life, my achievements and my struggles on my blog, so hopefully it kind of reveals a picture of who I am and what is important to me.

Here are the searches that led people to my blog:

Where are the miracles and wonders?
Epilepsy Advocate
Pictures of the Glorietta Christian Writers Conference
I will lie down and sleep in peace (this was a hit 3 different times)
Christian Women walking in the reflection of God
National Epilepsy Walk
Signs He still likes you
Signs miracles wonders music
Introducing a Woman of God

I actually kind of liked these. They do kind of describe me.

A person looking for miracles and wonders in everyday life.
A person whose life if affected by epilepsy.
A Christian writer who loves pictures.
A person who is after one good night's sleep. (this one is a constant...hence three hits... LOL)
A woman wanting to reflect God.
A person desperately wanting HIM to like me.
A person who loves music.
and my favorite... something I long to hear said of me...
Introducing A Woman of God.

Many times in life, people only get to see "who you are" from a single circumstance or event. That scares me because not every encounter I have reflects who I am or who I want to be. I don't always reflect Christ like I should or like I want to. Sometimes I wish everyone could see me "in context." That they could see everything over the entire span of my life... then they would understand who I am. It's sort of like this study.

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Jsut amzanig huh?”

I wish sometimes people would not just read each event by itself, but my life as a whole. Then all the mess and "mess ups" in the middle would still make sense.

Upon reflecting on these things, I realized I really don't need to worry about what other's think anyway. Actually I need to determine who I think I am based on who God thinks I am. And you know what... He doesn't look at me in context either. And I am actually glad He doesn't.

He only looks at me for one single encounter or event in my life. He looks at the day I gave my life to Him. This one event, one act, one circumstance overshadows everything else... all the mess and "mess ups". It determines who I am in his eyes. I am a woman of God. And that is who I am... really.


Kimberly said...

This is such a good post, Amy. I need to stop thinking so much about what others think of me. All that matters is what my Father thinks of me. Who am I? I am a daughter of the King. I am redeemed. I am one brought near by the blood of Jesus.
He is still working on me finding myself beautiful!!! :)
You, my friend, truly are beautiful inside and out from where I sit! (not that it matters what I think, of course! Just sayin') :)

Cheri said...

Beautiful post, Amy!
I struggle with this often.
Most, in my before marriage family, are not saved.
The things I do and say don't always make sense to them I'm sure. I have to realize on a daily basis that doesn't matter. What matters is how God sees me. Thanks for being so honest.~ Cheri

Carol said...

Wow, Amy, this was powerful. I love the idea that the one event in our life makes up for everything else. That was awesome!

ocean mommy said...

Beautiful Post...

had you on my mind this weekend, I was praying for you. Once I read that Spencer had had a couple of seizures, I knew why...

Praying you have rest tonight...

Ceci G. said...

Amy, I really loved this post. Of course, I almost started to cry when I saw that you linked to my "She Don't Know She's Beautiful" blog! I am like you. I am glad that God doesn't look at all of me. There are many things that I struggle with about who I am and who I was and where I've been. LOL Makes me think of a song....perhaps I'll have to use it for this weekend's meme!! I enjoy reading your blog...and I think I'll have to update my blogroll...and include yours (and several others) that I'm reading everyday. God bless you!

Jenny said...

That is the truth! If you looked at me on a bad day, it would be horrible. Thankfully people and God who love us, see us as a whole, not just the parts.

Have a great night!

Janet Roller said...

Amy! So good. I love how perspective plays such a big part of our lives - like taking the search hits and using them to describe you. You are definatly a woman of God!
By the way, the Cambridge study was fascinating - I nearly called you to let you know about the typos...then I caught on. I'm a tad slow sometimes (slow processor speed).
You encourage me, girl!

elizabeth embracing life said...

Amy, this is really a great blog. God so gets who we are that it does not even matter if our day was not the best, even our moods. He knows our hearts. My daughter reminded me of this yesterday...Blessed are the pure in spirit...she actually made me cry. Thanks for sharing your insights and your heart.

Joanne@ Blessed... said...

Just beautiful..I recently posted something along these lines myself. We are needy creatures aren't we? I need a constant reminder from the Lord as to who I am exactly.

Blessings, Joanne

Keri Wyatt Kent said...

Hi Amy
Followed you here from Jenny's blog, since we have the same name--perhaps you and I are long-lost cousins? Great post. My book Listen: finding God in the Story of Your Life is one readers who are wondering about who God made them to be and how to listen to him might find interesting. God always speaks to us with the voice of love--and that is the voice we ought to listen to most closely (rather than listening to our doubts, fears or critics).
blessings on you,

mama2dibs said...

Been there, done that! I will have to think about it and try it. I have been trying to figure out who I am lately. I am God's child!